Finally here!

So after months, maybe years of talking about writing, thinking about writing, even dreaming about writing, I am here. I finally have my own little place out there in the world. In the words of Madonna, not an exact quote mind you, I've spent so much time trying to get your attention, now do I really have anything to say? Seems like I've been walking around feeling like my head would explode for so long now. It was as if I had a million thoughts that needed to get out. My hope for my blog is just to have an outlet, to feel a weight lifting off my mind because the thoughts/words will finally have a place to go.

A few years ago, I was having a particularly difficult time with my mother and really felt like I could not relate to or connect with her. I sat down with tears in my eyes and a heart that was breaking and wrote a letter her. This wasn't just a little note to tell her I was upset. This was a lifetime of things that I had to say to her. By the time it was finished, it was almost nine pages! I knew at that time that my words would really hurt her and that our relationship would be forever changed and damaged as a result of me telling her how I really felt. I told myself that that was a chance I was willing to take in order to say what I needed to say.

Just writing that letter suddenly made me feel like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my heart. I took my massive letter, sealed it in an envelope and carried it around with me for a while until I could get up enough nerve to send it to her. Well I came across that letter recently when I found it buried in the bottom of the storage compartment of my car. I pulled it out and started to read it but had to out it away. You see, I never had to send that letter and I never had to hurt her more. Just simply getting the feelings out on paper was all it really took to begin to get over the problems we were having.

Life has a funny way of working itself out sometimes. We have our moments, as every family does, but I can honestly say that those feelings and pain of that conflict dissolved away over time. I'm not sure when it happened but we have certainly evolved and none of us are the same people we once were. We have changed for the better!

I can't speak to anyone else's reasons, but I will always look to that simple act of writing that letter that I never mailed as the moment that changed me. Suddenly I had put those words out into the universe and they were no longer trapped inside of me--I had released them.

Thus the power of words. I hope I don't disappoint.