So many things to do and so little time to do it.
Ever get that feeling of paralysis when you are overwhelmed at the enormity of the task in front of you? Sometimes I see the the job as so rediculously large and insurmountable that rather than just jump in and chip away at it, I instead bury my head in the sand and just hope that when I open my eyes the mountain will have just disappeared. (To date, not one of these mountains has ever disappeared as a result of me hiding from it!)
It's that sick feeling of being overwhelmed but not having a clue where to begin to tackle it. Is it the overflowing baskets of laundry that should just get up and wash themselves instead of multiplying like rabbits? Is it the beautifully decorated Christmas trees that you promised you'd take down once you had a chance to get "just one good picture" (which I still don't have) of your children in front of it? (for the record, it doesn't really count as having your trees still up if you no longer turn the lights on, right??) Is it the pile of debt that continues to grow rather than shrink in spite of your best efforts to chip away at it or the overstuffed closets that so desparately need to be cleared out or the kitchen counters and laundry room shelves spilling over with a family's junk that can't seem to find a home or...?
With the above mentioned items being just a tiny snapshot of the long list of things currently on my "to do" list, I am stuck in that dreaded state of frozen, unproductive blahs. Rather than just walking into the closet and hanging up the pile of clothes I've managed pile up on the chair in there, instead, I quickly grab just the clothes that I need for the day and just as quickly close the door. On my way out I turn and look at the unmade bed and a huge room full of junk that needs my attention and then run out closing the door behind me. This pattern continues through every single room in my house. In case you haven't figured where I'm going with this, I've run out of places to hide.
I'm not yet a candidate for the tv show "Hoarders", but I could probably find some other reality show that would fit my current condition. It would probably involve something to do with denial or temporary insanity. "Out of sight, out of mind" is the current philosophy. "Mess? What mess?" You know it's bad when your few moments of "free" time are totally wasted sitting on the side of the bathtub playing word search games on your cell phone or spending an hour alone sitting in your car looking at catalogs from the mail (to avoid going into your house) or sitting at the kitchen counter with your computer messing around online just trying to make up things you can google.
Believe me, I have plenty of things to do. There are more things that need to be done inside this house than I feel I could possibly accomplish in even a month of working around the clock. Add in two kids, one being the busiest toddler I have EVER met, a workaholic husband, carpool, cooking, basic cleaning, blah blah blah, oh and MAYBE getting a chance for a shower a day and you have a perfect recipe for how NEVER to accomplish anything.
My pot of this dish is at a perfect simmer right now.
Even sitting down to write a little, which I absolutely love to do, has become one of those things I can't make myself do. I've had plenty to write about and have been trying to send myself emails from my phone with ideas to use, but it's so hard to just to do it.
I admire my friends who make it all look so easy. The house is clean, children are a joy rather than chore, dinner is made, career is booming, etc., but that is just not me. I don't know what it is. Maybe their spirit is in a good place, if that makes any sense. I feel a sense of upheaval and tension on the inside and have just decided that this is a part of my problem and my inability to create a sense of peacefulness on the outside.
I'm feeling really alone on this island that I know for a fact is heavily inhabited.
